How I’m going to go

January 10, 2010

This weekend has helped me identify the most likely scenarios for my own demise:

  1. Buried under mismatched wineglasses.
  2. Suffocated by a dishtowel avalanche.
  3. Arm spontaneously separates after 18 continuous hours of drilling ceramic tile.
  4. Food poisoning from leftovers stored in plastic food containers that didn’t precisely match the companion lids.
  5. Trapped under Ikea display unit after lying down on floor and reaching towards wall to see if any of the out-of-stock kitchen hooks had fallen behind (they had! five packs!)
  6. Head explodes from toddler screaming.
  7. Blood poisoning from drinking through our lifetime supply of plastic cups.
  8. Sliced by sheet-metal cutter I stretched from the Home Depot that had the sheet metal in stock, to the one that would actually cut it.
  9. Red blood cells become magnetized from excessive exposure to magnetic spice tins.
  10. Starved to death after refrigerator and pantry are blocked by accumulated housewares.

But yes, our kitchen does look lovely.